When There is Great Disappointment

So, my ex used to self destruct himself all the time. He used to take the large steps with failure rather than baby steps to success or at least caution to change direction if necessary. Now my DS1 is doing the same thing. I see that with each "failure" he steps into a deeper path of self loathing. Incapable of loving himself let alone someone else.

Dear God I plead with you for the sake of my boy that you will bring him to his knees to that place of grace where your mercy washes over him. To the point of overwhelming emotion that he only knows to love and nothing else. Because you are love... and you love him. Hear this mother's desperate plea. So her 19 almost 20 yr old can begin walking in a path that is not only pleasing to you, Lord,  but also allows him to grow closer to you. Draw his heart toward your will. Give him that deep desire that can not be quenched without you. Lord make him CRAVE only you. So that he can be the husband and father only you help him be. In Jesus Name, AMEN

Nothing like a raw prayer for your child to humble you as a parent. When the Lord show you that He is the only one who can be in control. Out of control is a very hard place for a parent to be. It is for me at least. I want to tell him what he should do and him actually listen to me. I love him more than anything else in this world.. yet he doesn't believe me.

Disappointment in his lack of self confidence...
Disappointment in the fact that my love just isn't good enough "to make it all better anymore."
Disappointment for talent going to waste because he lacks the self confidence to go after the world.
Disappointment not in my child but FOR my child.
How do we deal with it as a parent?
Prayer. Faith. God is the only answer for him. It's the only thing left I can offer him, but it's also the very best I can offer. The WE parents can offer up on behalf of our children when they are young adults. It is good enough. It will see us through this process gracefully. At least that's the hope I am clinging to.
Dear Lord bring some confidence back into my child's heart. Having a father bail can probably be the thing that plagues him. Please don't let the devil steal his life from him because of another humans choice. PLEASE Don't let Satan steal, kill, and destroy my boy. I would give my own life for him to have his full life ahead of him with a bright future to look forward to. PLEASE help me have the faith to wait and see you move in his life. Give me the words to speak to him at your perfect moment. Words that will penetrate his heart and not just his head.

Growing through this process one day at a time. Watching your child flutter into adulthood is a very difficult process... at least it is for me. Can anyone else out there relate?
I'm praying for you!
I love you!

Graceful mom

Book Resource I highly recommend a mother dealing with the loss of her son's father. A book by Donald Miller. He explains his own trial of dealing with an absent father but how he met his true Father and how that met and filled his heart.

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/To-Own-a-Dragon/Donald-Miller/e/9781576837313

Or the most recently updated book Father Fiction by Donal Miller.

It's the updated version of To Own a Dragon with a few more stories and events that of his life in it. I highly recommend his books because Donald Miller writes from his heart. You will be able to connect with him through his writings because he is that real with his raw emotion and questions. I'm thankful for him using the gift God gave him.

First Flights Out of the Nest

    So I'm living a few different levels of parenting. I'm sure there are others out there in at least ONE of the same situations that I find myself in. This is actually pertaining to my oldest DS. He is 19 and has already flown the coupe once. He actually turned 19 in Hawaii. Rough life huh? To ask him you would think so. He joined the CG and was found sleepwalking a month into his first duty station so they began the process of releasing him. You can't sleep walk on a boat. You can't sleepwalk with a bunch of weapons. So they let you go. It was a devastating blow to a 19 yr old who thought he was on the path to his future. He loved boot camp and thrived in it actually. His first duty station was not quite as great. It was a lot of stuff.. bad hours, so far from home for the first time ever, no friends (like he had at home), a lot of drinking and smoking going on. He wasn't really into the whole drinking scene but apparently that's all they like to do. So he baby sat a lot making sure everyone got to back to the ship safely and on time. There was a lot of stress and anxiety wrapped around this first flight out of the house. He didn't do so well. It was an extreme jump this first time out. I'm afraid we didn't prepare him well enough for such a feat. But he sort of blind sided us with the news he was enlisting. College didn't look like a viable option apparently. Even though he was enrolled already.

    Well, he is back home now trying to gather his barrings. It's been a difficult road. The blow, the age, the lack of direction are all coming into play here. Oh and the girl friend who has decided to end things. He is really struggling to find a path. We, the parents, are trying to encourage and validate him as much as we can with lots of patience. As long as he pays his few bills then I have no recourse. Nothing illegal or dangerous is going on in his life. He truly is a great kid young man. Even though I get intensely frustrated with him. He is still a good guy. He has a lot of potential. I wish he saw it in himself. I wish he drew strength from everything positive in himself.  But, he doesn't. His ego is shot and he lacks oodles of self confidence. He lacks self discipline too.

   With each new adventure in his life and each new test flight out we are hoping to see positive changes and impacts in his life. As parents this is NOT an easy task. To stay patient and graceful and have mercy on them while they flutter about out of the next. How does a parent do it?

•     Well first and foremost PRAYER. Lots and lots of prayer. I even yell at God about how disappointed I am or frustrated or angry at my son for being lazy or careless or even disrespectful. God is big enough to handle it. I hear Him repeating back to me the love and grace and mercy He has had on ALL His children. While we have been rebellious, lazy, careless, and disrespectful to Him and His people. So He understands. He can relate to our frustrations. He can understand why we want to scream and yell.
• Then there are friends who can help carry the burden with you. They can pray with you. They can share their frustrations so you know you aren't allow. They may be completely different but, we ALL are burdened with something.
• Resources like books, and video's, sermons can all help with this season of life. A couple of my essential resources that I have been clinging too are The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children by Stormie Omartian and Losing Control and Liking It By Tim Sanford Both will forever be my guide as the other children come along. See the covers below.
 

You can/ WE can do this. Parenting isn't easy nor is it for sissy's. We must stand with the Lord and fight every day for our children. He will give us daily our portion of what we need as parents. Looking to far into the future will cause us to fall or be weak because it's too much. But, focus daily what you need. He will be your strength and power and might.

I'd LOVE to hear about some of your own experiences of the first flights out of the nest.