I have a curse.
It's the curse of independence.
Let me explain. I grew up in a home where the man of the house abused his authority over his family. He was not nice to my mom. He didn't protect her, encourage her, love her, or even lift her up to the Lord. It was not a biblical picture of 'head of the house' and therefore I grew up with a distorted view.
Watching my mom cower and take the verbal abuse pushed me to the other extreme of "I do not need a man to make it in this world." my attitude reflected an independence that was severely distorted.
A couple marriages later.... and
Today, the Lord has gently walked me back to His truth. He has gently shown me that, in Him and through Him, His way is good.
His way is best.
He has blessed me.
I'm thankful my husband is a man who can be trusted. He allows me to depend on him without abusing that authority.
I probably would have never known what God meant if it had not been for him.
My curse likes to rear it's ugly head sometimes though. My natural instinct tends to be "I don't need his approval."
The more I sink myself into God's word He loving always guides me in His truth. He shows me the error of my ways. It can get kinda ugly inside though.
I make it back into the truth and the shelter of God's ways and I begin to see a blessing through obedience.
My mom likes to jokingly remind me just how independent I was.
She doesn't know she is scraping the surface of a wound. A curse on me.
You might be or might not be with me in the fact that I CRINGE at the word obey or obedience. It was such an ugly, degrading word for so many years. "But, Lord I SWORE I would never let a man ever talk to me or treat me like that again."
It was important for me to be as independent as I possibly could.
I was thinking about this the other day when my daughter began to challenge her daddy's instruction. How important is it for me to model respect and obedience to her daddy. So she will one day know how to lovingly trust and obey her husband. How important it is for him to show love with stern direction. He must be trustworthy.
Not to mention how important it is for my boys to grow up knowing the incredible responsibility laid upon them by God himself. They need to know that their wife and children will depend on their direction and wisdom in the Lord. It will be their responsibility to provide for them. To train them in the ways of the Lord and to encourage them to be all God has created them to be. This is such a great responsibility that I hope they never take for granted.
This 'attitude' hasn't been all bad. It has allowed me to reach for things I might have otherwise shrunk from. But it is ultimately important for me to default to my husband. He is the head. I am his helper. PERIOD. There is actually GREAT fulfillment in this role. It's incredibly important in the balance of the family.
So once again. I am growing graceful thru parenting. Becoming more Christ like through the lives of my children and family.
