The Curse

I have a curse.

It's the curse of independence. 

Let me explain. I grew up in a home where the man of the house abused his authority over his family. He was not nice to my mom. He didn't protect her, encourage her, love her, or even lift her up to the Lord. It was not a biblical picture of 'head of the house' and therefore I grew up with a distorted view.

Watching my mom cower and take the verbal abuse pushed me to the other extreme of "I do not need a man to make it in this world." my attitude reflected an independence that was severely distorted.

A couple marriages later.... and

Today, the Lord has gently walked me back to His truth. He has gently shown me that, in Him and through Him, His way is good. 

His way is best.

He has blessed me.

I'm thankful my husband is a man who can be trusted. He allows me to depend on him without abusing that authority. 

I probably would have never known what God meant if it had not been for him.

My curse likes to rear it's ugly head sometimes though. My natural instinct tends to be "I don't need his approval." 

The more I sink myself into God's word He loving always guides me in His truth. He shows me the error of my ways. It can get kinda ugly inside though. 

I make it back into the truth and the shelter of God's ways and I begin to see a blessing through obedience. 

My mom likes to jokingly remind me just how independent I was. 

She doesn't know she is scraping the surface of a wound. A curse on me. 

You might be or might not be with me in the fact that I CRINGE at the word obey or obedience. It was such an ugly, degrading word for so many years. "But, Lord I SWORE I would never let a man ever talk to me or treat me like that again." 

It was important for me to be as independent as I possibly could. 

I was thinking about this the other day when my daughter began to challenge her daddy's instruction. How important is it for me to model respect and obedience to her daddy. So she will one day know how to lovingly trust and obey her husband. How important it is for him to show love with stern direction. He must be trustworthy.

Not to mention how important it is for my boys to grow up knowing the incredible responsibility laid upon them by God himself. They need to know that their wife and children will depend on their direction and wisdom in the Lord. It will be their responsibility to provide for them. To train them in the ways of the Lord and to encourage them to be all God has created them to be. This is such a great responsibility that I hope they never take for granted. 

This 'attitude' hasn't been all bad. It has allowed me to reach for things I might have otherwise shrunk from. But it is ultimately important for me to default to my husband. He is the head. I am his helper. PERIOD. There is actually GREAT fulfillment in this role. It's incredibly important in the balance of the family. 

So once again. I am growing graceful thru parenting. Becoming more Christ like through the lives of my children and family. 

Future Son-in-Laws

I came across this article this morning and since I just wrote about daughters-in-laws I only though it fair to share this one from the other perspective. I really couldn't have written it any better and didn't want to add or take away anything from this. It was amazing! 

So here's the Link to Five Question's to Ask you Future Son-in-Law

My DD is only 8 soon to be 9. I am praying now for her future husband. Praying he has godly parents who are teaching him to be a man of God. Courageous and able to lead his family. What a precious thought. 

Makes me wish I had done an even better job raising my sons. None the less I will pray for them to adhere to most of what they were taught and the relationship that my husband and I have with each other. 

Growing more graceful in my journey of parenting and the things I just never even considered before having them. 

Are You the Kind of Woman You Hope Your Son Marries?

Are YOU a wife like the one you hope your son marries?
Do you replicate those attributes you deem necessary to be good enough for your son?
I didn't actually think about this until my boys started dating. I began to notice possible future daughter- in- laws and it made me think.

So I began a list of what I hope and pray my sons find in a wife.
-Does she love him unconditionally
-Is she forgiving
-Is she soft spoken or harsh with her criticism
-Does she pray for him
-Will she see past his flaws
-Is she willing to compromise her desires to meet his needs
-Does she speak kindness only to others about the man she loves
-Is she concerned about looking beautiful for him
-Does she want to create a sanctuary at home for him

I realize that the boys (aka young men) in our lives have a pretty heavy load to carry as well. But I'm looking at it from the woman's perspective at this point.

What kind of expectations do/will you place on this other woman?

Can you live up to the same expectations? Can I? Have I?

The Lord challenged my on this one. As I began making this check list in my head over what I thought would be good enough for my son I realized my husband has a mom and is looking at me in the same way? Can she look at me and know that I love her son as much as I possibly can and I'm willing to die to self (as often as I can) for him.

This is a pretty big challenge. But, I 'll tell you. It surely has pushed me to think a little deeper and see my husband in a new light. To his benefit I might add.

So if you are a mom of sons I challenge you to think about just what kind of a woman are you to the man in your life? Are you what you hope your son's will marry or are you the opposite of what you expect? Perhaps this will allow a little more grace in your life for the woman your boy marries.

What are some of the things you think you will expect?

Here is a great book resource.
Here

Why Obeying Your Husband Matters

“As the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in EVERYTHING—Ephesians 5:24.” (emphasis mine)

So the family I grew up with did not depict what Christ meant in this verse or verses of this chapter in Ephesians. So, growing up and hearing this verse I thought SURELY Christ doesn't mean that for every wife. Most surely He didn't mean EVERYTHING. 

2 failed marriages 3rd being God's grace poured out on me and 3 children later I get it. What a rough hard road to wander down to finally get this. I wish someone had explained it so clearly to me as I see today. Maybe they did and I didn't have the eyes to see or the ears to hear. One simple truth could have saved me a lot of trouble: God said I'm gonna have to obey my husband in EVERYTHING, Hence the reason to choose your husband wisely. WOW, now that's a revelation. 

In my clouded view of childhood of a domineering father with little compassion for his children or his wife. I couldn't see this perfect picture Christ had drawn for the church. If a man loves his wife as Christ loves the church and if the Wife obeys her husband as the church submits to Christ then their will be harmony. Not perfection, yet, here on earth but a much clearer picture to the world what our relationship with Christ is like and will be like in heaven. 

If you are one of those women who struggles with submission and obeying your husband begin to ask God how He can help you to know this truth. Spend daily time in prayer asking God to reveal ways you can submit to your husband. If you are like me your every fiber of being will fight you because of the attitude that screams "no man will ever take advantage of me again". I can take care of myself. Which in turn breeds an attitude of what good are you to me anyways? Truth is God has placed a high calling on men to be the men in the women's lives. To lead, direct and cherish her. God has placed it on man as his responsibility. But, you know what has happened? Women have stomped their feet demanding equal rights and equal treatment. Women through their temper tantrums have sought after the leadership that was by God's design to be mans. Look what has happened. Our children come home to empty houses. We have malnourished kids. More kids on educational medication. Women exhausted and too tried to spend time with their children so they buy extra TV's so everyone can watch something different just so we don't have to entertain them. Husbands being lazy, passive, by standards as the charge of women come racing in to snatch their responsibility right out of their hands which breeds disrespect for the men leaving them feeling worthless to the world and might I say into the hands of internet pornography and a place they feel maybe they can be dominant. Maybe where they can at least pretend they are wanted and needed. Because their wives are too tired and lack so much respect the sex drive just isn't there any more. The drive for intimacy with someone you have little respect for isn't appealing and so the cycle continues. I supposed I could go on with different scenarios. But, I think you get the point. I realize some cycles are way out of control. But our God is a big God and if you want real change in your marriage or even in your husband try submitting. Allowing him to take the heat from God what is rightfully his when he doesn't step up and lead his family. Step aside. 

Be a wife and allow God to work in your husband the way he intended. The impact on your children by living out the scriptures is more impacting than any bible study or words could ever be. Model God's way and receive the blessing.

But mostly teach your boys to be good leaders and to love as Christ loves.  Teach your daughters the importance of looking for God's best in a husband because she is commanded to obey him and she wants to be sure she can live that out in a way that is glorifying to our Lord.

Check out this movie coming out soon

COURAGEOUS

Honor Begins at Home

Four men, one calling: To serve and protect. As law enforcement officers, Adam Mitchell, Nathan Hayes, David Thomson, and Shane Fuller are confident and focused. Yet at the end of the day, they face a challenge that none of them are truly prepared to tackle: fatherhood.
While they consistently give their best on the job, good enough seems to be all they can muster as dads. But they're quickly discovering that their standard is missing the mark.
When tragedy hits home, these men are left wrestling with their hopes, their fears, their faith, and their fathering. Can a new found urgency help these dads draw closer to God ... and to their children?
Filled with action-packed police drama, COURAGEOUS is the fourth film from Sherwood Pictures, the movie making ministry of Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Georgia. Riveted moviegoers will once again find themselves laughing, crying, and cheering as they are challenged and inspired by everyday heroes who long to be the kinds of dads that make a lifelong impact on their children.
Protecting the streets is second nature to these men. Raising their children in a God-honoring way? That's courageous.

In Theaters September 30

Marriage: Because it Matters When Raising Kids

I am a divorcee. Remarried.

My boys experienced a broken home. My daughter has not Thank you Lord.

So I had this bright idea to write about marriage about 2 weeks ago and then I got busy. So I only had the first two sentences in. Weird. Weird because in that time frame my oldest got engaged. Nope- I had no clue. I found out after he asked. Not that I mind. I have learned to dumb down my expectations with him. So I am just grateful he chose to share it with me at all.

We love our future daughter in law. They had been high school sweethearts and broke up for a year. They have recently come back together. Two completely different people yet they still get along in an amazing way.

It is the right thing for them.

So, now back to my thoughts on marriage. Not only did my son get engaged but there have been so many blogs and radio programs supporting this idea of marriage between one man and one woman lately. The kind of marriage designed by God. I'd like to share a few of those links with you. God speaks to us in many forms. Perhaps someone out there might need to hear what is said. I will post them at the end of my post here.

I know when I was struggling in my marriage of 8 yrs. with a man who didn't love me or wasn't capable of loving me and I was entirely too needy to know any better. The only thing I heard was the world SHOUTING you DESERVE to be happy. You DESERVE to have a man who loves you and who treats you right. What is love? What is "treating you right"?

Let me just say.

No one can create your happiness. No one OWES you anything. Not one person can make you happy. And

NO, we don't deserve anything. Except what God blesses us with.

I've learned that marriage wasn't instituted for our happiness (gosh I wish I had know this LONG ago). Marriage was designed to show the world what the relationship with Jesus Christ is like. This was such an eye opening view. I had no idea. It's not what I grew up with. It's not what I had been taught at all. But PRAISE God, it makes so much sense.

How you love each other shows your children how Jesus loves them and how they are to love Jesus. It shows your spouse how Christ loves him/her. There is no other relationship in this world like it which is why it's one of the most important ones and why Satan works over time trying to destroy.

Let me say this- I'm not talking about marriages plagued with abuse (been there done that too). I'm talking about the troubles of "falling out of love with your mate issues here." Perhaps he isn't as clean as you'd like him to be, or he doesn't pick up his clothes, or he doesn't fix things in a timely manner. Does he work too much or not enough? ALL of these have the ability to be brushed away by the grace of God. I'm not saying God can't change an abusive man. Because I know my God can and will if that man accepts His help or if God just plainly wants to use him. But you should never stay in harms way or allow you children to stay in harms way. Remove yourself and work on it in a controlled environment that is safe for you and your kids.

So as a woman who has been through divorce let my voice be louder than the world. Find a way to love your spouse. Find a way to see past the flaws. Find a way to be used by the grace of God so that Jesus can be glorified through you and eventually through your marriage.


It truly is worth fighting for and it will mean all the difference in the world to your children.


I am currently remarried now for 9.5 years. Thank you Jesus. I have a wonderful man. He is not perfect and I had to give a lot of my habits of control so that he could lead us as a man should. It wasn't easy. Especially when I was turning over two boys to him who weren't his flesh and blood. Everything in me wanted to cling and protect and not allow him into their lives for their sake. But God showed me how I had to step aside so one of the most amazing things could happen to them in their relationship with their new dad. God gave me the grace to do it. He gave me the strength and power and might to put my mama bear reactions away and just allow it to write out an amazing story in their lives.


Boy, I'm sure glad I did. Because in 2004 is when the plan came full circle and the boys asked my husband to adopt them. They wanted his name and for him to be their official dad. That was a beautiful day. That will be a day forever etched in my memory as a day God showed up and said "man will let you down but I am your God. I know what you need. Let me provide for you." He did. above and beyond what I could have ever asked for.


Let go and Let God do His work in you. Then watch the others around you begin to change. It's a beautiful thing.

Marriage is a beautiful thing.


and it matters!


Here are the links I promised....


Family Life

Focus on the Family

God's Sacred Design for Marriage audio (Part 1 of 2)
God's Sacred Design for Marriage audio (Part 2 of 2)