Are You the Kind of Woman You Hope Your Son Marries?

Are YOU a wife like the one you hope your son marries?
Do you replicate those attributes you deem necessary to be good enough for your son?
I didn't actually think about this until my boys started dating. I began to notice possible future daughter- in- laws and it made me think.

So I began a list of what I hope and pray my sons find in a wife.
-Does she love him unconditionally
-Is she forgiving
-Is she soft spoken or harsh with her criticism
-Does she pray for him
-Will she see past his flaws
-Is she willing to compromise her desires to meet his needs
-Does she speak kindness only to others about the man she loves
-Is she concerned about looking beautiful for him
-Does she want to create a sanctuary at home for him

I realize that the boys (aka young men) in our lives have a pretty heavy load to carry as well. But I'm looking at it from the woman's perspective at this point.

What kind of expectations do/will you place on this other woman?

Can you live up to the same expectations? Can I? Have I?

The Lord challenged my on this one. As I began making this check list in my head over what I thought would be good enough for my son I realized my husband has a mom and is looking at me in the same way? Can she look at me and know that I love her son as much as I possibly can and I'm willing to die to self (as often as I can) for him.

This is a pretty big challenge. But, I 'll tell you. It surely has pushed me to think a little deeper and see my husband in a new light. To his benefit I might add.

So if you are a mom of sons I challenge you to think about just what kind of a woman are you to the man in your life? Are you what you hope your son's will marry or are you the opposite of what you expect? Perhaps this will allow a little more grace in your life for the woman your boy marries.

What are some of the things you think you will expect?

Here is a great book resource.
Here

God's Masterpiece

What message are you giving to your children? Are you telling them they are worth while to spend time with? Are you giving them a valuable spot in the family where without their contribution things just might fall apart?

We all need to feel needed. Do your children feel needed?

I can say I haven't always done this. In fact I feel like I fall so short of this. But it wasn't because I didn't want them to be. I think we all desperately want our children to feel worthy, needed, and precious. For whatever reason life happens and we have let a lot of time go by before we realize we haven't sat and had a simple connection conversation with our child(ren).

It's sometimes easier for the mom of the family to keep her watch over the relationships in her household. So I tend to call myself the temperature gauge to the family. When I sense a need in one of the children I tend to analyze and evaluate what it is they possibly need the most. Time with dad, mom, or family as a whole. As they get older it gets harder and harder to know what your child needs. My DS1, 19, is virtually impossible to connect with right now. He sleeps a lot and is going through somewhat of a crisis. So, all my conversations tend to lean towards the more serious.. what are you going to do with your life conversations. No wonder he steers clear of talking with me. But, I just don't know how to relax until things are taken care of.

Here are a few things I have found to be helpful each very different for each child.

• DS1 likes to eat. So I try to find every possible opportunity to have a good meal cooked or take him to eat somewhere. I restrain from any "serious" talk for the whole meal and just try and let him talk. Which is honestly a bit harder than it seems because at this age they really don't have much substance to their conversations. Still it seems to be a small moment of joy without tension for both of us. Going to the movies with DS1 is also a winner. He is a movie buff and it's an action we can do together and then just talk together about the movie.Connection is the key her. No life problems are to be dealt with during these times of connecting.
• DS2 and I have set aside every Friday lunch as "our" time. We find a place to eat and we have lunch together. It's a time I try to protect as much as possible. Not letting anything interfere with that time frame. It gives us a chance to discuss his work for the week since I home school him. We can take tests or discuss a chapter of whatever subject he might have a question about. Again, with boys, FOOD seems to be a common factor. Boys can't just sit and talk either. It's completely against their whole genetic makeup. So throwing a ball, working out, or driving are all good options for conversation with your son. The important thing is taking time with them.
• DD1 is most fun for me because me being a woman we connect a little differently. We understand each other in ways that the boys and I don't. Doesn't make it better or worst just different. I actually am not a good "player". Which means I don't know how to sit and play with toys. Tea Party's are kind of painful for me and playing dress-up just leaves me feeling like a failure because I'm not good at it. Maybe that's why I avoid it. I can color and things but I find it difficult for my daughter to enjoy creative work because she is a perfectionist and criticizes her work the whole time. So I have found a resource that I would like to share with you that sets you and your daughter on intentional dates together. It's a book called "8 Great Dates for Moms and Daughters" It leads conversations in True beauty, cool fashion, and modesty. DD1 is a joy to go out with. However it can sometimes be the most challenging. She can tend to be a bit negative at times. We are working on an attitude of gratitude with her. It's ok to be disappointed but, always be grateful for things even if they aren't exactly what we hoped for. So with your daughter you can shop, eat, beautify yourselves, or just go to a park and sit under a big tree in the shade and talk.

It doesn't much matter what the activity is. It's does matter the amount, frequency, and effort that is put into it. Kids need to know they matter. They need to know they are God's Masterpiece. They need to know from you that you think they are worth your time and effort. I promise you no one else out in the world will be able to speak that truth into their lives like you can. If you are intentional in connecting with them and not "fake" it. They will know, no matter what you do, that you care about them if you spend time with them.

Breath life into your child.. show them they ARE God's Masterpiece in the making.
Read this story The Story of the Tea Cup to get a greater picture of being God's Masterpiece and all that we must go through to become all that God intended for us.