The Curse

I have a curse.

It's the curse of independence. 

Let me explain. I grew up in a home where the man of the house abused his authority over his family. He was not nice to my mom. He didn't protect her, encourage her, love her, or even lift her up to the Lord. It was not a biblical picture of 'head of the house' and therefore I grew up with a distorted view.

Watching my mom cower and take the verbal abuse pushed me to the other extreme of "I do not need a man to make it in this world." my attitude reflected an independence that was severely distorted.

A couple marriages later.... and

Today, the Lord has gently walked me back to His truth. He has gently shown me that, in Him and through Him, His way is good. 

His way is best.

He has blessed me.

I'm thankful my husband is a man who can be trusted. He allows me to depend on him without abusing that authority. 

I probably would have never known what God meant if it had not been for him.

My curse likes to rear it's ugly head sometimes though. My natural instinct tends to be "I don't need his approval." 

The more I sink myself into God's word He loving always guides me in His truth. He shows me the error of my ways. It can get kinda ugly inside though. 

I make it back into the truth and the shelter of God's ways and I begin to see a blessing through obedience. 

My mom likes to jokingly remind me just how independent I was. 

She doesn't know she is scraping the surface of a wound. A curse on me. 

You might be or might not be with me in the fact that I CRINGE at the word obey or obedience. It was such an ugly, degrading word for so many years. "But, Lord I SWORE I would never let a man ever talk to me or treat me like that again." 

It was important for me to be as independent as I possibly could. 

I was thinking about this the other day when my daughter began to challenge her daddy's instruction. How important is it for me to model respect and obedience to her daddy. So she will one day know how to lovingly trust and obey her husband. How important it is for him to show love with stern direction. He must be trustworthy.

Not to mention how important it is for my boys to grow up knowing the incredible responsibility laid upon them by God himself. They need to know that their wife and children will depend on their direction and wisdom in the Lord. It will be their responsibility to provide for them. To train them in the ways of the Lord and to encourage them to be all God has created them to be. This is such a great responsibility that I hope they never take for granted. 

This 'attitude' hasn't been all bad. It has allowed me to reach for things I might have otherwise shrunk from. But it is ultimately important for me to default to my husband. He is the head. I am his helper. PERIOD. There is actually GREAT fulfillment in this role. It's incredibly important in the balance of the family. 

So once again. I am growing graceful thru parenting. Becoming more Christ like through the lives of my children and family. 

Future Son-in-Laws

I came across this article this morning and since I just wrote about daughters-in-laws I only though it fair to share this one from the other perspective. I really couldn't have written it any better and didn't want to add or take away anything from this. It was amazing! 

So here's the Link to Five Question's to Ask you Future Son-in-Law

My DD is only 8 soon to be 9. I am praying now for her future husband. Praying he has godly parents who are teaching him to be a man of God. Courageous and able to lead his family. What a precious thought. 

Makes me wish I had done an even better job raising my sons. None the less I will pray for them to adhere to most of what they were taught and the relationship that my husband and I have with each other. 

Growing more graceful in my journey of parenting and the things I just never even considered before having them. 

Graceful

So, what exactly does GRACEFUL really mean? And how does it exactly fit into parenting?

Graceful:
agile, charming, lovely

graceful  means characterized by beauty of movement, style, or form; gracious  means characterized by charm, good taste, kindness, and generosity of spirit


So, agile means to move quickly and easily. This makes me laugh because how true it is when you have children that you have to move quickly and easily. Right from birth into adulthood. Think of 5th grade project due tomorrow and it's 8:30 pm the night before or a child who escapes your grasp to run into a street. How about a child who has found them self in a bad situation with friends and needs to be picked up at 10 or 11 at night or that baby trying to take their first steps as you move quickly to soften their fall.

Next is Charming which means pleasant or attractive. Well this certainly can come into play during parenting. More on the pleasant side of things. To be friendly, likable, and polite. All the qualities we desire our children to grow up with. Traits we could model for our children. Think of all the parents of your child's friends. Think about not embarrassing your child in a store because they want to turn in a game for money to get a different game and the man behind the counter is a sham and you want to let him know it as clearly as possibly. (yes, I did this and it wasn't very charming. One of the highlights my boys remember of me).

Then there is lovable. Well, that's almost explainable.But there will be times in parenting when they aren't lovable nor are you lovable. Might be the the most self explainatory but, probably one of the toughest ones to get through when you don't FEEL like it. Try being lovable when you've been up all night caring for a crying baby, or when you have been wondering where your child is for 24 hours or more. Try loving them when they walk through the door with an attitude like "what is your problem." It's easy in the beginning with that sweet newborn baby. Or even that toddler. Their behavior can be "explained away" by just not knowing better. There is even more "grace" for you because your a sleep deprived mom. But come on- after 6 mths it's time to pull those big girl panties up and start acting lovable to the husband even though your body feels like it's been through a meat grinder or you are worn out trying to entertain all day long with no one pouring into your soul. Oh yes, life is hard and it will bring you to your knees many times. The Lord is faithful in showing you just how to love yourself enough to love others who need you.

The older our children get, hopefully, the better we become through all three of these traits. Growing Graceful Thru Parenting will hopefully be a journey you and I can go on together. One where we can learn from each other, pray for each other, and grow Graceful with each other.

I would love to hear your stories if you would be so kind as to share them with me.