I am a divorcee. Remarried.
My boys experienced a broken home. My daughter has not Thank you Lord.
So I had this bright idea to write about marriage about 2 weeks ago and then I got busy. So I only had the first two sentences in. Weird. Weird because in that time frame my oldest got engaged. Nope- I had no clue. I found out after he asked. Not that I mind. I have learned to dumb down my expectations with him. So I am just grateful he chose to share it with me at all.
We love our future daughter in law. They had been high school sweethearts and broke up for a year. They have recently come back together. Two completely different people yet they still get along in an amazing way.
It is the right thing for them.
So, now back to my thoughts on marriage. Not only did my son get engaged but there have been so many blogs and radio programs supporting this idea of marriage between one man and one woman lately. The kind of marriage designed by God. I'd like to share a few of those links with you. God speaks to us in many forms. Perhaps someone out there might need to hear what is said. I will post them at the end of my post here.
I know when I was struggling in my marriage of 8 yrs. with a man who didn't love me or wasn't capable of loving me and I was entirely too needy to know any better. The only thing I heard was the world SHOUTING you DESERVE to be happy. You DESERVE to have a man who loves you and who treats you right. What is love? What is "treating you right"?
Let me just say.
No one can create your happiness. No one OWES you anything. Not one person can make you happy. And
NO, we don't deserve anything. Except what God blesses us with.
I've learned that marriage wasn't instituted for our happiness (gosh I wish I had know this LONG ago). Marriage was designed to show the world what the relationship with Jesus Christ is like. This was such an eye opening view. I had no idea. It's not what I grew up with. It's not what I had been taught at all. But PRAISE God, it makes so much sense.
How you love each other shows your children how Jesus loves them and how they are to love Jesus. It shows your spouse how Christ loves him/her. There is no other relationship in this world like it which is why it's one of the most important ones and why Satan works over time trying to destroy.
Let me say this- I'm not talking about marriages plagued with abuse (been there done that too). I'm talking about the troubles of "falling out of love with your mate issues here." Perhaps he isn't as clean as you'd like him to be, or he doesn't pick up his clothes, or he doesn't fix things in a timely manner. Does he work too much or not enough? ALL of these have the ability to be brushed away by the grace of God. I'm not saying God can't change an abusive man. Because I know my God can and will if that man accepts His help or if God just plainly wants to use him. But you should never stay in harms way or allow you children to stay in harms way. Remove yourself and work on it in a controlled environment that is safe for you and your kids.
So as a woman who has been through divorce let my voice be louder than the world. Find a way to love your spouse. Find a way to see past the flaws. Find a way to be used by the grace of God so that Jesus can be glorified through you and eventually through your marriage.
It truly is worth fighting for and it will mean all the difference in the world to your children.
I am currently remarried now for 9.5 years. Thank you Jesus. I have a wonderful man. He is not perfect and I had to give a lot of my habits of control so that he could lead us as a man should. It wasn't easy. Especially when I was turning over two boys to him who weren't his flesh and blood. Everything in me wanted to cling and protect and not allow him into their lives for their sake. But God showed me how I had to step aside so one of the most amazing things could happen to them in their relationship with their new dad. God gave me the grace to do it. He gave me the strength and power and might to put my mama bear reactions away and just allow it to write out an amazing story in their lives.
Boy, I'm sure glad I did. Because in 2004 is when the plan came full circle and the boys asked my husband to adopt them. They wanted his name and for him to be their official dad. That was a beautiful day. That will be a day forever etched in my memory as a day God showed up and said "man will let you down but I am your God. I know what you need. Let me provide for you." He did. above and beyond what I could have ever asked for.
Let go and Let God do His work in you. Then watch the others around you begin to change. It's a beautiful thing.
Marriage is a beautiful thing.
and it matters!
Here are the links I promised....
Family Life
Focus on the Family
God's Sacred Design for Marriage audio (Part 1 of 2)
God's Sacred Design for Marriage audio (Part 2 of 2)
