We Love Because

1 John 4:19 We love because He first loved us.

Someone I love very dearly; someone I hold very close to my heart needs to know he is loveable. But how do you tell someone that and have them understand? How do you show it in a way they will FINALLY believe you? Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. My new revelation of this verse. The answer isn't our love for someone but:

We love because God first loved us. 

I'd always questioned what it meant... Did it mean I didn't REALLY have free will? The only reason I love God is because he loved me first.? What if he hadn't loved me first? Are there others out there whom he doesn't love. NO! 

God loves everyone. Just the way I can love all three of my children with equal passion, strength, and depth. Yet individually. So God loves everyone. There is no "what if" God didn't love me first. It is what it is. He loves us. (Period)

My revelation this morning was enhanced by a Donald Miller Quote "...sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself..." 
That's it. 

You have to SEE God loving you before you can in turn love. 

When you see that in our sinful wretched nature God loved us. He loved us so much that He wanted to die for you just so you could be with Him forever. You have to see His forgiveness and grace wash over you. You have to see his mercy clothe you. Then and only then will you come to a place of being so humble the only thing you have left to offer is love. 

I see this not only for myself this amazing revelation. But, while my heart aches for my boy who is battling identity. Who doesn't know who he is because his father walked out on him. My boy hasn't healed from that wound just yet. In my deep gut wrenching moment of prayer God brought that verse into my head. You see his father had a father who bailed on him too. So he had the same identity crisis. I thought MY Love was enough for my ex-husband and I painfully realized "my love" was never going to change him. So my desperate prayer continues on "then Lord how can I teach my boy about your love? How can he learn to love if he can't love himself? If he feels such a lack of direction and purpose then how can he know what you have created him for?"  Most boys find this answer within their own father. But when you have one who bails on you then you find it more difficult to understand life's path. 

Through tears and prayers the Lord spoke to me that he needs to know my love for him before he can understand how to love anyone else. 

We love because He first loved us. This is a show and tell verse. God said "I'm going to love you, I'm going to show you how you are to love yourself. Then and only then will you  be able to love others as I have loved you."

Lord please open my boys eyes to see how you love him. Please open his heart up to receive your love and to accept it. Show him because of You he is worth that love. Not because of any other thing- but because you created him and he is your masterpiece. 

Thank you God for this precious child and children you have blessed me with. Without them I find it would be so much harder to know the amazing God that you are. It's through them that you teach me each new day just how much you love us. 

Mom Humbled to the core!

When There is Great Disappointment

So, my ex used to self destruct himself all the time. He used to take the large steps with failure rather than baby steps to success or at least caution to change direction if necessary. Now my DS1 is doing the same thing. I see that with each "failure" he steps into a deeper path of self loathing. Incapable of loving himself let alone someone else.

Dear God I plead with you for the sake of my boy that you will bring him to his knees to that place of grace where your mercy washes over him. To the point of overwhelming emotion that he only knows to love and nothing else. Because you are love... and you love him. Hear this mother's desperate plea. So her 19 almost 20 yr old can begin walking in a path that is not only pleasing to you, Lord,  but also allows him to grow closer to you. Draw his heart toward your will. Give him that deep desire that can not be quenched without you. Lord make him CRAVE only you. So that he can be the husband and father only you help him be. In Jesus Name, AMEN

Nothing like a raw prayer for your child to humble you as a parent. When the Lord show you that He is the only one who can be in control. Out of control is a very hard place for a parent to be. It is for me at least. I want to tell him what he should do and him actually listen to me. I love him more than anything else in this world.. yet he doesn't believe me.

Disappointment in his lack of self confidence...
Disappointment in the fact that my love just isn't good enough "to make it all better anymore."
Disappointment for talent going to waste because he lacks the self confidence to go after the world.
Disappointment not in my child but FOR my child.
How do we deal with it as a parent?
Prayer. Faith. God is the only answer for him. It's the only thing left I can offer him, but it's also the very best I can offer. The WE parents can offer up on behalf of our children when they are young adults. It is good enough. It will see us through this process gracefully. At least that's the hope I am clinging to.
Dear Lord bring some confidence back into my child's heart. Having a father bail can probably be the thing that plagues him. Please don't let the devil steal his life from him because of another humans choice. PLEASE Don't let Satan steal, kill, and destroy my boy. I would give my own life for him to have his full life ahead of him with a bright future to look forward to. PLEASE help me have the faith to wait and see you move in his life. Give me the words to speak to him at your perfect moment. Words that will penetrate his heart and not just his head.

Growing through this process one day at a time. Watching your child flutter into adulthood is a very difficult process... at least it is for me. Can anyone else out there relate?
I'm praying for you!
I love you!

Graceful mom

Book Resource I highly recommend a mother dealing with the loss of her son's father. A book by Donald Miller. He explains his own trial of dealing with an absent father but how he met his true Father and how that met and filled his heart.

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/To-Own-a-Dragon/Donald-Miller/e/9781576837313

Or the most recently updated book Father Fiction by Donal Miller.

It's the updated version of To Own a Dragon with a few more stories and events that of his life in it. I highly recommend his books because Donald Miller writes from his heart. You will be able to connect with him through his writings because he is that real with his raw emotion and questions. I'm thankful for him using the gift God gave him.