When There is Great Disappointment

So, my ex used to self destruct himself all the time. He used to take the large steps with failure rather than baby steps to success or at least caution to change direction if necessary. Now my DS1 is doing the same thing. I see that with each "failure" he steps into a deeper path of self loathing. Incapable of loving himself let alone someone else.

Dear God I plead with you for the sake of my boy that you will bring him to his knees to that place of grace where your mercy washes over him. To the point of overwhelming emotion that he only knows to love and nothing else. Because you are love... and you love him. Hear this mother's desperate plea. So her 19 almost 20 yr old can begin walking in a path that is not only pleasing to you, Lord,  but also allows him to grow closer to you. Draw his heart toward your will. Give him that deep desire that can not be quenched without you. Lord make him CRAVE only you. So that he can be the husband and father only you help him be. In Jesus Name, AMEN

Nothing like a raw prayer for your child to humble you as a parent. When the Lord show you that He is the only one who can be in control. Out of control is a very hard place for a parent to be. It is for me at least. I want to tell him what he should do and him actually listen to me. I love him more than anything else in this world.. yet he doesn't believe me.

Disappointment in his lack of self confidence...
Disappointment in the fact that my love just isn't good enough "to make it all better anymore."
Disappointment for talent going to waste because he lacks the self confidence to go after the world.
Disappointment not in my child but FOR my child.
How do we deal with it as a parent?
Prayer. Faith. God is the only answer for him. It's the only thing left I can offer him, but it's also the very best I can offer. The WE parents can offer up on behalf of our children when they are young adults. It is good enough. It will see us through this process gracefully. At least that's the hope I am clinging to.
Dear Lord bring some confidence back into my child's heart. Having a father bail can probably be the thing that plagues him. Please don't let the devil steal his life from him because of another humans choice. PLEASE Don't let Satan steal, kill, and destroy my boy. I would give my own life for him to have his full life ahead of him with a bright future to look forward to. PLEASE help me have the faith to wait and see you move in his life. Give me the words to speak to him at your perfect moment. Words that will penetrate his heart and not just his head.

Growing through this process one day at a time. Watching your child flutter into adulthood is a very difficult process... at least it is for me. Can anyone else out there relate?
I'm praying for you!
I love you!

Graceful mom

Book Resource I highly recommend a mother dealing with the loss of her son's father. A book by Donald Miller. He explains his own trial of dealing with an absent father but how he met his true Father and how that met and filled his heart.

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/To-Own-a-Dragon/Donald-Miller/e/9781576837313

Or the most recently updated book Father Fiction by Donal Miller.

It's the updated version of To Own a Dragon with a few more stories and events that of his life in it. I highly recommend his books because Donald Miller writes from his heart. You will be able to connect with him through his writings because he is that real with his raw emotion and questions. I'm thankful for him using the gift God gave him.