The Curse

I have a curse.

It's the curse of independence. 

Let me explain. I grew up in a home where the man of the house abused his authority over his family. He was not nice to my mom. He didn't protect her, encourage her, love her, or even lift her up to the Lord. It was not a biblical picture of 'head of the house' and therefore I grew up with a distorted view.

Watching my mom cower and take the verbal abuse pushed me to the other extreme of "I do not need a man to make it in this world." my attitude reflected an independence that was severely distorted.

A couple marriages later.... and

Today, the Lord has gently walked me back to His truth. He has gently shown me that, in Him and through Him, His way is good. 

His way is best.

He has blessed me.

I'm thankful my husband is a man who can be trusted. He allows me to depend on him without abusing that authority. 

I probably would have never known what God meant if it had not been for him.

My curse likes to rear it's ugly head sometimes though. My natural instinct tends to be "I don't need his approval." 

The more I sink myself into God's word He loving always guides me in His truth. He shows me the error of my ways. It can get kinda ugly inside though. 

I make it back into the truth and the shelter of God's ways and I begin to see a blessing through obedience. 

My mom likes to jokingly remind me just how independent I was. 

She doesn't know she is scraping the surface of a wound. A curse on me. 

You might be or might not be with me in the fact that I CRINGE at the word obey or obedience. It was such an ugly, degrading word for so many years. "But, Lord I SWORE I would never let a man ever talk to me or treat me like that again." 

It was important for me to be as independent as I possibly could. 

I was thinking about this the other day when my daughter began to challenge her daddy's instruction. How important is it for me to model respect and obedience to her daddy. So she will one day know how to lovingly trust and obey her husband. How important it is for him to show love with stern direction. He must be trustworthy.

Not to mention how important it is for my boys to grow up knowing the incredible responsibility laid upon them by God himself. They need to know that their wife and children will depend on their direction and wisdom in the Lord. It will be their responsibility to provide for them. To train them in the ways of the Lord and to encourage them to be all God has created them to be. This is such a great responsibility that I hope they never take for granted. 

This 'attitude' hasn't been all bad. It has allowed me to reach for things I might have otherwise shrunk from. But it is ultimately important for me to default to my husband. He is the head. I am his helper. PERIOD. There is actually GREAT fulfillment in this role. It's incredibly important in the balance of the family. 

So once again. I am growing graceful thru parenting. Becoming more Christ like through the lives of my children and family. 

Came across this video trailer of Ann Voscamp's book "One Thousand Gifts"

It touched my heart so deeply as it expressed parenting and the grace we are given in the moments of each day.

Being a working mom I've missed a lot of these moments with my daughter. But this short video inspires me to do a better job.

Wishing you experience God's grace in parenting today.

Future Son-in-Laws

I came across this article this morning and since I just wrote about daughters-in-laws I only though it fair to share this one from the other perspective. I really couldn't have written it any better and didn't want to add or take away anything from this. It was amazing! 

So here's the Link to Five Question's to Ask you Future Son-in-Law

My DD is only 8 soon to be 9. I am praying now for her future husband. Praying he has godly parents who are teaching him to be a man of God. Courageous and able to lead his family. What a precious thought. 

Makes me wish I had done an even better job raising my sons. None the less I will pray for them to adhere to most of what they were taught and the relationship that my husband and I have with each other. 

Growing more graceful in my journey of parenting and the things I just never even considered before having them. 

Are You the Kind of Woman You Hope Your Son Marries?

Are YOU a wife like the one you hope your son marries?
Do you replicate those attributes you deem necessary to be good enough for your son?
I didn't actually think about this until my boys started dating. I began to notice possible future daughter- in- laws and it made me think.

So I began a list of what I hope and pray my sons find in a wife.
-Does she love him unconditionally
-Is she forgiving
-Is she soft spoken or harsh with her criticism
-Does she pray for him
-Will she see past his flaws
-Is she willing to compromise her desires to meet his needs
-Does she speak kindness only to others about the man she loves
-Is she concerned about looking beautiful for him
-Does she want to create a sanctuary at home for him

I realize that the boys (aka young men) in our lives have a pretty heavy load to carry as well. But I'm looking at it from the woman's perspective at this point.

What kind of expectations do/will you place on this other woman?

Can you live up to the same expectations? Can I? Have I?

The Lord challenged my on this one. As I began making this check list in my head over what I thought would be good enough for my son I realized my husband has a mom and is looking at me in the same way? Can she look at me and know that I love her son as much as I possibly can and I'm willing to die to self (as often as I can) for him.

This is a pretty big challenge. But, I 'll tell you. It surely has pushed me to think a little deeper and see my husband in a new light. To his benefit I might add.

So if you are a mom of sons I challenge you to think about just what kind of a woman are you to the man in your life? Are you what you hope your son's will marry or are you the opposite of what you expect? Perhaps this will allow a little more grace in your life for the woman your boy marries.

What are some of the things you think you will expect?

Here is a great book resource.
Here

First Flights Out of the Nest

    So I'm living a few different levels of parenting. I'm sure there are others out there in at least ONE of the same situations that I find myself in. This is actually pertaining to my oldest DS. He is 19 and has already flown the coupe once. He actually turned 19 in Hawaii. Rough life huh? To ask him you would think so. He joined the CG and was found sleepwalking a month into his first duty station so they began the process of releasing him. You can't sleep walk on a boat. You can't sleepwalk with a bunch of weapons. So they let you go. It was a devastating blow to a 19 yr old who thought he was on the path to his future. He loved boot camp and thrived in it actually. His first duty station was not quite as great. It was a lot of stuff.. bad hours, so far from home for the first time ever, no friends (like he had at home), a lot of drinking and smoking going on. He wasn't really into the whole drinking scene but apparently that's all they like to do. So he baby sat a lot making sure everyone got to back to the ship safely and on time. There was a lot of stress and anxiety wrapped around this first flight out of the house. He didn't do so well. It was an extreme jump this first time out. I'm afraid we didn't prepare him well enough for such a feat. But he sort of blind sided us with the news he was enlisting. College didn't look like a viable option apparently. Even though he was enrolled already.

    Well, he is back home now trying to gather his barrings. It's been a difficult road. The blow, the age, the lack of direction are all coming into play here. Oh and the girl friend who has decided to end things. He is really struggling to find a path. We, the parents, are trying to encourage and validate him as much as we can with lots of patience. As long as he pays his few bills then I have no recourse. Nothing illegal or dangerous is going on in his life. He truly is a great kid young man. Even though I get intensely frustrated with him. He is still a good guy. He has a lot of potential. I wish he saw it in himself. I wish he drew strength from everything positive in himself.  But, he doesn't. His ego is shot and he lacks oodles of self confidence. He lacks self discipline too.

   With each new adventure in his life and each new test flight out we are hoping to see positive changes and impacts in his life. As parents this is NOT an easy task. To stay patient and graceful and have mercy on them while they flutter about out of the next. How does a parent do it?

•     Well first and foremost PRAYER. Lots and lots of prayer. I even yell at God about how disappointed I am or frustrated or angry at my son for being lazy or careless or even disrespectful. God is big enough to handle it. I hear Him repeating back to me the love and grace and mercy He has had on ALL His children. While we have been rebellious, lazy, careless, and disrespectful to Him and His people. So He understands. He can relate to our frustrations. He can understand why we want to scream and yell.
• Then there are friends who can help carry the burden with you. They can pray with you. They can share their frustrations so you know you aren't allow. They may be completely different but, we ALL are burdened with something.
• Resources like books, and video's, sermons can all help with this season of life. A couple of my essential resources that I have been clinging too are The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children by Stormie Omartian and Losing Control and Liking It By Tim Sanford Both will forever be my guide as the other children come along. See the covers below.
 

You can/ WE can do this. Parenting isn't easy nor is it for sissy's. We must stand with the Lord and fight every day for our children. He will give us daily our portion of what we need as parents. Looking to far into the future will cause us to fall or be weak because it's too much. But, focus daily what you need. He will be your strength and power and might.

I'd LOVE to hear about some of your own experiences of the first flights out of the nest.

God's Perfect Timing

Hello blogger world!

This one is so very near and dear to my heart because of how true it is in my life. God's perfect timing in everything that has had me concerned. But, it wasn't until I began to pay attention that I was able to see God's hand at work in my life and in the lives of those around me. Paying attention is key here. Because you will miss it. God doesn't send out a flair when he's about to perform a miracle in your midst. Kinda like when you enter your child's room and clean it for them while they aren't home, or when you wash their clothes and place them in their drawers so they don't have to wonder where their favorite pair of jeans are. (No, I actually never did this.) I do their laundry but, I don't place them nicely in their drawers or pay attention to what their favorite clothes are.. But, you might. That's like God.. when He is working in our lives even when we aren't paying attention. We don't send out a signal to let our kids letting them know when we will clean their clothes, dishes, or the house they live in.. We just do it. Because we know it's healthy, safe, and more pleasing. What a thankless job it is. But because we know better we do it.

One amazing story of this that my DS2 (dear son #2) and I were just talking about the other day.Was  when he was in 6th grade. I was at work and he was at school. I can't remember the events of the day but I had the afternoon off from work and thought it would be a fun surprise to stop by the middle school and pick him up for the day. Mother son time. When I drove up it just happen to be a time when classes were changing and I ran into ds2 right outside. (Here is the miracle of the moment) I saw a boy hand him something. Right there right at that very moment I was able to see an exchange to my ds2 that could have altered a future for him. DS2 had this look on his face that screamed guilty. But still wasn't sure what was going on just yet. I asked him if he wanted to check out to hang for the day but his response wasn't what I expected , this child hated school, so for him not to jump on the chance quickly took me back. Then it clicked. In a matter of seconds a million thoughts went through my head, a boy just handed him something, he is acting weird, what should I do, could it be..., what situation did God just place me in? I asked my son for the "thing" in his pocket. Fearing someone would see before I had a chance to get the full story. I stuck it in my purse told him to go to class and I would be checking him out. This also gave me a moment to gather my thoughts. Absorb the miracle that just happened. Plus figure out how I am supposed to deal with this situation so that ds2 has a moment to learn and see just how much God is constantly holding him in his hands every day, all day.

Well, the pill turned out to be nothing. But the boy was telling him it was steroids and would make him stronger. I took ds2 to lunch that day and we discussed how God had placed me there at that particular moment during that particular day and neither of us were even aware we were being guided at that moment by the Creator. We prayed and I told him what he was about to do was a very dangerous thing. Not only for him but, for the boy who gave it to him. We must always be on guard to the world around us. It served as one of the most impactful lessons ds2 could have ever had on his own. It was the most impactful moment a parent could have had. I knew at that very moment I was never going to be alone in my days of parenting or that my husband and I would never be left to try and look after them 24/7 alone. We could trust the God of this universe to help us. We just had to be awake. We have to be aware. We have to be looking for the signs. We must not fall asleep or we will miss it. We will miss the miracles of the hand of God in our lives. Not that He will stop working.. but, we will miss seeing it.

Nothing will build your faith or your love for the Lord more than seeing Him at work in your life or your child's life. Helping you to Grow Graceful Thru Parenting.

Graceful

So, what exactly does GRACEFUL really mean? And how does it exactly fit into parenting?

Graceful:
agile, charming, lovely

graceful  means characterized by beauty of movement, style, or form; gracious  means characterized by charm, good taste, kindness, and generosity of spirit


So, agile means to move quickly and easily. This makes me laugh because how true it is when you have children that you have to move quickly and easily. Right from birth into adulthood. Think of 5th grade project due tomorrow and it's 8:30 pm the night before or a child who escapes your grasp to run into a street. How about a child who has found them self in a bad situation with friends and needs to be picked up at 10 or 11 at night or that baby trying to take their first steps as you move quickly to soften their fall.

Next is Charming which means pleasant or attractive. Well this certainly can come into play during parenting. More on the pleasant side of things. To be friendly, likable, and polite. All the qualities we desire our children to grow up with. Traits we could model for our children. Think of all the parents of your child's friends. Think about not embarrassing your child in a store because they want to turn in a game for money to get a different game and the man behind the counter is a sham and you want to let him know it as clearly as possibly. (yes, I did this and it wasn't very charming. One of the highlights my boys remember of me).

Then there is lovable. Well, that's almost explainable.But there will be times in parenting when they aren't lovable nor are you lovable. Might be the the most self explainatory but, probably one of the toughest ones to get through when you don't FEEL like it. Try being lovable when you've been up all night caring for a crying baby, or when you have been wondering where your child is for 24 hours or more. Try loving them when they walk through the door with an attitude like "what is your problem." It's easy in the beginning with that sweet newborn baby. Or even that toddler. Their behavior can be "explained away" by just not knowing better. There is even more "grace" for you because your a sleep deprived mom. But come on- after 6 mths it's time to pull those big girl panties up and start acting lovable to the husband even though your body feels like it's been through a meat grinder or you are worn out trying to entertain all day long with no one pouring into your soul. Oh yes, life is hard and it will bring you to your knees many times. The Lord is faithful in showing you just how to love yourself enough to love others who need you.

The older our children get, hopefully, the better we become through all three of these traits. Growing Graceful Thru Parenting will hopefully be a journey you and I can go on together. One where we can learn from each other, pray for each other, and grow Graceful with each other.

I would love to hear your stories if you would be so kind as to share them with me.

The Beginnings

Hello blogger world. My name is Paula and I'm a mom of 3 children ages 19(b), 16(b), and 8(g). I found my love in 2000 and we married in 2002. I had some challenges along the way but I see how it has helped me grow into the person I am today. I admire this love because he was 7 yrs younger than me and he was willing to take on the challenge of a woman with 2 boys. He was willing to take them in and grow with them into a trusting relationship that would prove to be just the blessing we all needed. It wasn't easy by any means. The challenges in the beginning proved to be really tough at times. But he was such a man who was willing to see each trial through. Again, I am so thankful!

I've decided to start this blog because I know I am NOT the only mom out there who struggles with a past and a mom who desires to see her children love the Lord and grow in grace to a healthy adult life. I know I'm not the only one out there who struggles with the battle that rages in this world to devour our children. Some times I want to give up the fight and turn them over and sometimes I want to hold on so tight I can't even breath. I am growing gracefully through parenting and trying to find that balance.

The challenges range so much in my life because of the age gap and gender differences. I know I'm not the only one out there with this issue either. I'm not here to just throw my life out there and hope you will read it and gain some insight but, I hope you will dialogue with me in your own journey of Growing Graceful Thru Parenting. I want to share resources that I find and hope you will do the same. Share your stories in your own life and your own struggles..

When my first baby boy was born and I looked into his angelic face, I knew without a doubt there had to be a Creator in heaven to create such and amazingly beautiful child. I knew that I needed to know this Creator because He was the only one who was going to help me raise him. Thus started my journey not only as a mom but as a Christ follower. I wish I could say it was easy once I found Jesus and that all the questions were answered and my life was a bowl full of cherries. However, that isn't the case. It was a long hard journey of searching for truth, battling the forces of this world, and my own sinful flesh. Living almost 25 years without Christ I truly had some repenting to do and learning to forgive myself was much harder than anything else I have conquered. I can't say today I have finally reached that point almost 20 years later but, I am closer and I am a changed person. Christ has redeemed me and His grace is sufficient for me.. and for you! I share that with you because this is part of the journey. It's an essential part to raising children. Those who don't know Christ personally and have Him living inside of them.. well, all of this is much more difficult without Him. I can't imagine what I would do without the owners manual, The Bible. God has taught me so much about my walk with him through parenting that it's staggering. Have you missed it? I hope not. Because it is there in the pain, joy, and suffering of parenting that I saw my Jesus loving me... with each rebellious act. With every act of sin and defiance. It has been there that He has revealed his amazing Grace and love for his children. You. Me. All of us and our children.

If you are on this journey or just beginning. I hope you will go along with me. The Lord has some amazing things to show us in our daily lives with our children that not only reveals His true nature, but his love, mercy, grace, and compassion for us in this world.

God's grace to you while you are Growing Graceful Thru Parenting!